Hello, Square One, my old friend. You haven’t changed much since the last time I was here. You know, I truly believed the last time was going to be THE last time, and yet here we are again. I wonder how many more times we will cross paths in my lifetime?

I will tell you this: while it may appear I haven’t changed much either, that would be an illusion. I am not the same person I was in our last encounter, which is why our current reunion will be a brief one.

The most important change is that I now have the power to drown out your taunts of failure and disappointment. When I hear your negative voice creeping into my consciousness, I turn up the volume on the cheers from my dear friends, Jaime and Tina, who have made careers from their passions around health and fitness, and who are two of the most supportive and encouraging coaches I know. When your murky clouds of shame and defeat start to wear me down, I reach out to my sisters, who are masters at sympathizing with me while pushing me to keep moving forward.

Yes, it’s true I haven’t had the courage to revisit my own thoughts in Reaching the Perfect Weight, because I fear your power is greatest in the space where I thought I had finally left you behind for good. But I’m working hard to not let you use my past successes to weigh my present down. I’m learning to let go of should haves, could haves, what ifs, and so closes. There is only right now and what’s next; and what’s next right now is take another step away from you.

This time when I leave, I won’t promise  myself it’s the last time. We may meet again — in a year, or two, or five. If we do, I will have learned more and grown stronger than I am today. You will have less and less power over me as the years pass. And when you are nothing but a blip on the radar, or a pit stop in my journey to overall health, then I will have beaten you once and for all.

Because coming back to Square One is not the failure. Staying here is.

About perfectday

There is always something bumping around in my head, and if I leave it up there, I will go crazy. So I try to get my thoughts out onto paper (or the current equivalent). Mostly this blog is just for me to keep my sanity, but I also hope there's a nugget or two in there that other people find worth reading.
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